


Rain Check

by rachipoo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Eventual relationship, Hunters & Hunting, Reader and Sam are best friends, Reader-Insert, Smut, did I mention smut?, hope it works out, this was supposed to be one chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-01 19:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5218847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachipoo/pseuds/rachipoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader and Dean clean each other up after a hunt and this stirs up feelings for each other that they act upon quickly. They're interrupted by Sam and have to cut it short. Will they pick it back up again or leave it alone and go back to the way they were before their feelings were expressed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning of Something

**Author's Note:**

> *I originally put this in my 'Supernatural Mini Series' as a one-shot but someone commented that they would be interested in more of this story so I decided why not write more? We'll see how it goes. This first chapter is basically the same as it was when I originally posted it but I made a few changes in how things are said or in how they're described. Anywhoozer, hope you enjoy! :)

"Dean, stop moving." You demand as you try to put alcohol on a cut across his forehead. 

"Y/N I'm fine." He says in his gruff, macho voice.

You'd been hunting a Rugaru and Dean had received a bleeding gash across his forehead from a splintered table leg during the fight. You had just gotten back to the motel and had to force him to sit down and let you look at it. It's long but it's shallow enough that stitches aren't required. 

"Look, I know you and Sam always hunted together, no women involved, but you don't have to keep up the macho act just cause I'm around. I've been in the life as long as you have and I know that cut must hurt like a bitch. So shut up, stow the testosterone crap, and let me help you." You say firmly. Dean says nothing but he stops squirming.

You pour some alcohol on a cloth and dab it on the wound. Dean hisses at the pain. You put a big bandage over it and pat his knee. "Was that so bad?" You ask.

"No." Dean rolls his eyes and gets up from the cheap motel chair he was sitting in.

"Ok. Now I need you to look at my side. I think he got me with that damn knife." You say, making a move to lift your shirt.

"Whoa! Maybe Sam should look at that. He's, uh, better with that stuff." He says awkwardly.

You give him a look. "Sam's out getting food. C'mon, it hurts. Don't be a baby." You lift your shirt to expose your side and Dean looks. There's a cut between your ribs on the right side.

"Shit, Y/N. That's gonna need stitches." He says.

"Figures. Okay, go ahead." You sigh.

Dean retrieves the materials and grabs the bottle of alcohol you were previously using. He pours some in the wound and you gasp at the burn and sting. He hands you the bottle and you take a long swig.

"Hold your shirt up." He grunts. You obey. "No, not like that. I can't stitch it when you're twisted that way."

"Well that's the only way I can hold it." You tell him.

Dean tries to hold your shirt up for you with one hand and begin stitching with the other. You slap his hands away.

"You can't give me stitches with one hand, you asshat!" You say. "Just hold on a second. Here." You take off your shirt and toss it on the floor. "Now do it."

Dean's mouth opens and he stares at you, saying nothing. For a second you think he's checking you out, but that can't be it. He's obviously not interested in you.

"What's wrong with you?" You ask.

Dean clears his throat. "Nothing." 

He moves closer and gets the needle ready, not before giving your half naked body a once-over. You mentally fist bump yourself for wearing your best bra today. Okay, he's definitely checking you out. You hope he doesn't notice you shudder under his heated gaze. Your eyes meet and you both look away. Dean asks if you're ready and you nod. He sticks the needle through your skin and you squeeze your eyes shut, reaching for the alcohol and taking another gulp. After a few minutes Dean steps back and looks at his work, then puts a big gauze bandage over it.

"Not bad." He says. "You're all stitched up."

"Thanks." You offer him a small smile. He smirks back and you hold his gaze for longer than necessary.

 _Oh my god. Look away. You're making it weird._ You chide yourself. You look away awkwardly, realizing you're still shirtless. 

"Um...Sam has the Impala...with my clothes in it." You say. You don't really want to put your sweaty, bloody shirt back on, and you want to change out of your slightly bloody and ripped pants. 

"Oh, right. I have my bag, I can give you something." Dean replies, going to get his bag from the corner of the room. He tosses you a t-shirt and you catch it as you walk to the bathroom to change. 

You close the door behind you and sigh in frustration. You're being an idiot. Of course the older Winchester doesn't have feelings for you, so you have to keep yours in check. You slip out of your pants and pull the shirt on. It's long enough that you deem it acceptable to wear with just underwear underneath, at least until Sam comes back with your clothes. You lift the fabric of the shirt to your nose and inhale. It smells like clean laundry and  _Dean._ You can't explain the smell but it's wonderful. You inhale once more before opening the bathroom door and walking back out into the dingy motel room. Dean is naked, with his back to you. You look from his broad, muscular shoulders down to the toned swell of his ass. You lick your lips. Then you shake your head.  _Stop it._

Dean slips on some boxers and turns around to the bag on the bed behind him. He jumps when he sees you. "Jesus! You scared me! Why are you just standing there?"

"Sorry! I wasn't just..standing..um. I, uh, didn't see anything. I saw you. I saw your butt." You stutter.

Dean chuckles. "Oh, uh. Sorry. I thought you'd be longer in the bathroom..." He says a little awkwardly as he pulls on a shirt. "But hey, it was just my butt. Remember that time Sam got clipped in the ass by that demon and you had to stitch it up for him?" Dean smirks at the memory. 

"That was different." You say.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not interested in Sam." You admit quietly.

"But you're..interested in...me?" Dean says, staring at you with wide eyes.

_Oh, now you've done it. You've freaked him out._

"Y/N..." He says slowly. 

"Dean, don't worry about it. I'm working on it. Forget I said-"

Dean's suddenly in front of you, face inches from yours. His hands rest on your hips and he leans forward a little more. "Is this...okay?" He whispers. 

You swallow hard and nod. His lips meet yours and a spark flies through your entire body. The kiss is slow and gentle, but deepens quickly. Your hands come up to the back of his head, nails scraping lightly at the scalp. He picks you up by your bottom and walks over to one of the floral-print beds, sitting on it so you're straddling him. You lift your arms as he pulls off your shirt, you ignore the burn in your side. He pulls his shirt off as well and you run your fingers over his broad chest. You look into his eyes and then dive in for another kiss. You bite his bottom lip and pull a little. Dean groans, tightening his grip on your hips. His hands crawl back to unhook your bra when the door bursts open. You look over to see Sam run in. He takes one look at you and Dean and says "Oh! Finally!"

You hop off Dean's lap and grab the t-shirt you'd borrowed, pulling it back on. "Uh, hey Sam." You say.

You look over at Dean, who's standing now, with a cocky grin on his face. "Hiya, Sammy."

"Yeah, hi. Sorry to interrupt your long-overdue makeout session but we've got company. Looks like our Rugaru had some friends." Sam says quickly.

Dean sighs and pulls on some jeans and his shirt from the floor. You run to the bathroom and put your dirty skinny jeans back on. The three of you hurry to the car and grab weapons, seeing four more Rugarus hurrying across the parking lot towards you.

"Rain check?" Dean asks you, hooking a thumb to point at the motel room.

You peck his cheek quickly. "For sure." You grin.

He flashes you a smile as you all wield your weapons and finish the hunt.


	2. What Better Time Than Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smutty, smutty smut.

It's a rainy day about a week after the Rugaru hunt and you're in the bunker scanning old books in the library when Dean walks in. You smile at him as he sits down beside you at the old wooden table. Since your moment in the motel room not all that much has happened between the two of you. Long looks have been exchanged but that's about it. You sneak a look at Dean now only to find that he's already staring at you.

You sigh. "Dean, I-"

"Hey, guys?" Sam calls from somewhere down the long hallway.

"Yeah?" You and Dean croak out at the same time.

"I'm going on a food run. I'll pick up some beer too. And I'll probably go to the gym in town while I'm there. Be back in a few hours!" 

"Okay, Sammy. Have fun!" You and Dean respond simultaneously again.

You hear Sam's retreating footsteps and then you hear the heavy metal door of the bunker open and close. The Impala's engine roars and Sam leaves. You look over at Dean. He stares back at you. Nobody says anything. You clear your throat and return to your book. You've made it through one paragraph when Dean suddenly pulls it from your grasp and drops it on the floor. You look up at him in exasperation. 

"Dean, what are you-?" You're cut off by his lips on yours. You gasp a little in surprise as Dean lifts you off the sturdy chair you're on and sets you on the table, pushing the chair to the side. He breaks the kiss and you catch your breath.

"What better time than now to pick up where we left off?" He asks.

You wrap your legs around his waist and pull him down to your mouth. He kisses you hard and you open your mouth. His tongue slips in and the kiss deepens. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and rake your fingers through the short hairs at the back of his head. He grips your hips and your legs tighten around him. You moan into his mouth and he presses up against you. He moves down to kiss your neck and you breathe deeply. You reach down and lift the hem of Dean's t-shirt. He steps back a little so you can pull it off of him. You toss it aside and run your hands over the smooth skin of his chest, feeling the muscle underneath. You lean forward, kissing and licking at his chest and collarbones. You pinch one of his nipples, hard, and he lets out a breath. You smile and give it a little twist. Dean's hips flutter a little. He pulls your shirt off and tears your bra off as well, discarding them on the floor. He kneads your right breast in his hand while he sucks on the left one. You arch into his touch and he alternates his mouth and hand to the opposite breasts. He sucks on the skin of your collarbone and you reach down to unbutton his jeans. He lets you push them down and then he steps out of them. Dean is now only clad in boxers and you take a hungry look at his body, eyes pausing at the tent in his boxers.

Dean pushes you back so you're laying across the wooden table. The surface is cold and your nipples harden even more than they already were. Dean pinches one and you arch of the table. He pulls your skinny jeans and you lift your hips a little so he can slide them off along with your underwear. Dean takes a predatory look at your fully naked body below him before getting to his knees on the floor and spreading your legs. He kisses up and down your inner thighs and then slides his index finger into your wet folds. He pumps his finger in and out of you a few times before adding a second one and circling his thumb over your clitoris. You moan loudly and his thumb is replaced by his tongue. Dean moans, sending vibrations that make you buck your hips, and licks expertly. Your right hand tangles into his hair and your left grasps at the flat surface of the table desperately, finally finding the edge and gripping it tightly. You're panting and your hips are twitching up and down. Dean is so damn  _good_ at this. You feel your stomach coil deliciously. _  
_

"Dean, I'm-I'm-!" You shout as your orgasm hits you.

Dean slows his fingers and tongue as you ride out your orgasm, breathing quickly. Dean pulls his fingers out and stands up, leaning over to kiss you. You taste yourself on him and it should be gross but it's so, so  _hot._ Dean pulls back, looks you in the eye, and licks the remains of your wetness off his fingers. You gasp and pull his shoulders down so you can kiss him hard. You wrap your legs around him again and you can feel his clothed hardness against your dripping hole. You both moan and Dean pulls back to strip off his boxers, freeing his erection. He hooks his hands under your knees and pulls you to the very edge of the table. He grips your hips and slams into you.

"Shit! So tight for me." He growls seductively.

"Mmm.." Is all you can manage.

Dean moves his hips slowly and then picks up the pace. You prop yourself up onto your elbows so you can watch. Dean relentlessly thrusts into you and you look into his eyes as you moan loudly. He slams into you even harder and you gasp, grabbing his forearms tightly, nails digging in a little bit. You feel warmth pooling in your belly. Dean's grip on you tightens and his hips stutter as he shoots his release into you with a grunt. You feel your stomach coil and Dean snakes a hand between you to massage your clit. You fall back and close your eyes as your release washes over you. You shout out and shake as you come down from it. Dean pulls out slowly and lays down beside you.

"Shit, Y/N." He breathes.

"Yeah...that was..." You gasp, still trying to catch your breath. 

"Yeah. It was." Dean grins. 

You both lay there for a few minutes in a comfortable silence until you sit up and straddle Dean's hips, leaning down to kiss him. You suck his neck and grip his already hardening member in your hand.

"What? Round two?!" Dean exclaims.

"Mhhm." You murmur as you make your way down his body with your mouth. 

"My kind of girl..." Dean says as you close your mouth around his erection. 


	3. Dating?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut...and some questions about feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to evolve the story around the smut now, make a relationship out of it. I have some ideas of where I want to take it but it'll probably be slow-going for Dean and the Reader on the relationship front! But I promise it WILL happen and it will be glorious. ;) xoxo

You're taking shower when suddenly you hear the bathroom door creak open.

"Dean? Sam?" You ask. No answer. You shut off the water and clench your fists, shifting into defensive mode. You slide the shower curtain back and see Dean standing there, butt-naked. 

"Oh my god I thought you were a murderer!" You say.

Dean gives you a look. "You hunt 'things that go bump in the night' and you're afraid of a murderer of all things?" He asks sarcastically.

You step out of the shower and stick your tongue out at Dean. You grab for your towel from the hook on the wall but Dean pulls it out of your reach. You look at him and he drops the towel, stepping close to you and kissing you hard. You kiss him back, feeling his cool, naked body press against your warm, damp one. He lifts you up by your butt and walks you over to the counter. He sets you down and sucks on your breasts, not wasting any time. The pleasure and the steamy bathroom are causing you both to breathe heavily. You feel Dean's hardening cock pressing against your leg and you push him away from you as you hop off the counter. Dean gives you a questioning look but you just turn him around so he's leaning back against the counter. You lower yourself to your knees and close your hand around Dean's erection. You pump your fist a few times and Dean groans. You move your hand down to the base of his length and hold it in place while you lick a stripe up the underside. You stop at the head and lick a bead of precum off, then you take the tip of him into your mouth, tongue teasing over the slit. You look at Dean and his eyes are fluttering shut. You take that opportunity to take him deep into your mouth. His eyes pop open and his hands grip the sides of your head. You move your mouth up and down his length and hollow out your cheeks, feeling the head of his erection hit the back of your throat each time. He begins moving his hips and you shorten your movements, allowing him to thrust into your mouth a little.

"Ohhhh...fuuuuuck..." Dean breathes out.

You look up into his green eyes through your lashes and hollow out your cheeks again, taking him deep into your mouth again, moving quickly. Dean grunts and you feel his release shoot into your mouth. You swallow it down and stand up. 

"Y/N, that...was awesome..." Dean pants.

You smile seductively. You know it'll be a few minutes until Dean's ready to go again but you want to speed it along, you need him now. You look him in the eyes and begin massaging yourself with your index finger. You knead your breast with one hand while the other circles over your clitoris. You close your eyes and let out a breathy whimper. Dean pulls you over and bends you over the counter. He lines himself up and pushes into you from behind. You smile at the full feeling and push back against him. Dean drapes himself over your back and moves his hips slowly and deliberately for a few beats.

"Mmm...Dean, please..faster..." You moan.

Dean obeys. He stands up straight, grips your hips and thrusts in hard and deep. You grip the edge of the counter with one hand and the other is pressed up against the bathroom mirror. Dean is thrusting hard and he's hitting your sweet spot with every movement. You're panting and moaning with pleasure. Dean hand comes up and he wraps your wet hair around his wrist, holding onto it and thrusting deeper.

"Ah!" You call out at the sudden pulling of your hair.

"Sorry." Dean grunts, about to let go.

"No-o-o!" You say, speech being cut off with each push of Dean's hips. "I-like-it." You pant.

Dean continues his grip on your hair and keeps pushing in and out of you. 

"F-fuuuuck, Dean!" You scream as your orgasm suddenly crashes over you.

Your vocal release must have sent Dean over the edge because he empties out inside you and moans, low in his throat. Dean pulls out slowly and releases his hold on your hair. You stand up straight and just breathe for a few seconds. Dean leans down and kisses you fiercely before handing you your towel. You wrap the soft white fabric around yourself.

"That was amazing." Dean smiles. "But I gotta go. My turn to pick up the pizza."

You nod and Dean walks out of the bathroom. You lean against the counter for a few minutes before the steamy room becomes too hot. You walk out into the cool air of your bedroom and take a deep breath as you fall onto your bed. Oh you're gonna be  _sore_ tomorrow. You can feel it. So worth it, though.

A soft knock sounds at your door and you pull on your housecoat before opening the door to reveal Sam.

"Hey, Y/N. Can I talk to you?" He asks lightly.

"Sure, Sammy. Come on in." You wave him into your room. He sits on your bed and you sit next to him.

"So, I know you and Dean are..uh, having sex." He clears his throat and you blush. "But, does this mean you guys are finally dating?" He asks hopefully.

"Um...I don't know, Sam." You say honestly. You hadn't really thought about it. You first time with Dean in the library had been almost a month ago and you guys have been having sex almost every day since. Were you dating?

"Well, I think you two should talk about it. I think you'd be really good for my brother. And I want you both to be happy." Sam says.

"Thanks, Sam. I'll try to talk to him later."

Sam smiles and moves to get up but you grab his arm and pull him back down.

"Can I be honest with you?" You ask him.

"Of course." He replies simply.

"Dean has always had one night stands and nothing else. At least since I started running with you guys. I'm just worried he won't want to be with me. That he'll get bored of me, I mean..." You admit.

"Dean feels something pretty strong for you, Y/N. I can see it when he looks at you. He might not realize it but one day he will. You just have to be patient with him."

"Okay, I get it. Thanks, Sam." You smile at the younger Winchester.

He smiles and pats your leg before getting up and leaving your room. You flop back onto your bed and heave a sigh. 


	4. Just Having Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader talks to Dean about their relationship status.

Dean returns with pizza and beer. You and the Winchesters eat and watch a movie together. When the movie is over you ask Dean to come to your room to talk and try to ignore it when he waggles his eyebrows suggestively at Sam. You walk to your room with Dean behind you. You wave Dean through the doorway and then walk in yourself, closing the heavy wooden door behind you. You turn around to face Dean, who's looking at you expectantly. You sit on the chair at your desk and gesture for Dean to sit on the stool across from you. Dean walks over and sits down, and you turn your chair so you're facing him. 

"What's up, Y/N?" He asks curiously.

You knot your fingers together, feeling just a little nervous. "Uh. We've been doing...whatever we're doing for a month now and, while I'm enjoying it, it's made me think about a few things..." You say.

"Okaaaaay...what things?" Dean questions.

"Well...I guess I'm just wondering what  _this_ is." You say, gesturing between you and Dean with your finger. "Are we dating? Are you my boyfriend? What-"

Dean clears his throat, cutting you off. "Y/N...I'm having fun with you. I don't really want to put a label on it right now." He admits. 

"Oh. O-okay." You say. "So...we're just...having fun?"

"Yeah. I mean, that sounds bad. But it really doesn't have to be a bad thing. We don't have to commit to anything right now, you know? We can just keep doing what we're doing and that's good for me." Dean states.

You blink a few times, taking in this information. You're not sure what you were expecting, but that was not it. No commitment. Was this basically a continuous one night stand? Your mind is filling with questions that you'd rather avoid right now. Is this friends with benefits? What  _is_ this?

"Y/N?" Dean says, startling you from your thoughts.

"Huh? What?" You say brilliantly.

"I said, is that okay with you? Like a 'no strings attached' thing?" 

"Oh. Um. Yeah, that's okay." You say reluctantly.

Dean smiles. "Okay, awesome. I'm gonna head to bed."

He gets up and leaves, closing your door behind him. You sigh and lay down on your bed, pulling the comforter up around you. You just agreed to have noncommittal sex with Dean. You suddenly realize you had been hoping that conversation would go differently. You realize you were hoping Dean would say he wants to be with you, or at the very least go out on a date or something. You feel disappointment pang in your gut. You  _want_ Dean Winchester in every sense of the word, but he doesn't want a relationship. You convince yourself that this no strings attached arrangement will lead to something more. You remember Sam's words: 'You just have to be patient with him.'

Fine then, patient you will be. 


	5. Be Patient with Him

You sit up in bed and stretch, groaning at your sore and aching muscles. You and Dean had gone at it hard last night and you knew you wouldn't be able to walk right for a few days. You get out of bed and groan again at the new ache that comes with standing and walking around. You strip off your pyjamas and shuffle into your bathroom, turning on the shower. You look in the mirror while you wait for the water to warm up. You have hickies all over your neck, collarbone, and breasts. You smile at the memory of feeling so satisfied. You smile wider when you think about the fact that Dean will have little bruises and marks all over him from your mouth and nails. Marks you put there in the heat of passion, marking him as yours. Although he isn't really yours is he? Not fully.

Your smile fades into a frown as you get into the shower. Another month has passed with you and Dean having all kinds of crazy sex. The sex is good, there's no denying that, but you can't help but feel something missing. There are no terms of endearment, there are no lazy afternoons where you just cuddle, no flowers or surprises. There's no  _relationship._ You're trying hard to be patient, you really are, but you can't help how you feel.

You and the boys still hunt together all the time and you joke around with them and tease them both. Looking in from the outside, one would have no idea that you were sleeping with the older Winchester. On the outside you're just best friends with both if them. That's what gets to you. There are no signs of  _feelings_ between you and Dean, other than the things you let yourself feel when you're alone. It's all just sex. Crazy, meaningless sex. Well, meaningless for one of you anyways, and it sure as hell isn't you. 

You just have to be patient with him. 

You sigh and finish rinsing off before getting out of the shower and twisting your hair in a towel. You put on your housecoat and pad back into your room. You sit on the edge of your bed and realize something. You and Dean have never had sex in a  _bed._ It's all been in the library or the bathroom, or even the kitchen floor. But not a bed. For some reason this upsets you significantly. You clench your fists and try not to cry. You take a few deep breaths and calm down. You get up and search for clothes to wear. You pull out a pair of ripped skinny jeans and a faded band tee. You brush your hair, put on a little mascara, and walk out of your room. You're hit with the smell of bacon and you follow it to the kitchen. Sam is at the stove, cooking bacon and eggs. 

"Oh, hey." He smiles when he sees you. "Hungry?" He asks. You nod. 

Sam asks you to butter the toast and you do so. He finishes the bacon and slides it, along with the eggs, onto two plates. You put a piece of toast on each plate and open the cupboard to take out two glasses. 

"Where's Dean?" You ask as you pour orange juice for you and Sam.

"Grocery run." Sam says, taking the glass you hand him and grabbing his plate from the counter. You take your plate and follow him out to the huge table in the bunker. You sit beside him and eat in silence for a while.

"So, how are things going between you and Dean?" Sam asks.

You were hoping he wouldn't mention it. "Fine." You say shortly.

Sam gives you a look and you pretend not to notice. You take both of your plates to the kitchen and begin washing the dishes, hoping Sam won't inquire any further. He gets the hint and doesn't ask any more questions as he dries the dishes and puts them away. Instead he talks about a book he just finished reading and you dive gratefully into that conversation.

. . . . . . . . .

"Y/N, we're going out. Wanna come?" Sam asks through your closed door later that night.

"No thanks." You answer.

"Oh, come on. It'll be fun!" Dean shouts.

" _Fine._ I'll be out in a few minutes." You resign. 

You change into a pretty short dress and black converse before exiting your room and meeting the boys by the door. You've been thinking all day and you reasoned that you'd rather have Dean this way than not at all. You're trying to make peace with the no-commitment thing and just let Dean do his thing.  _You're a hunter. This is what it's supposed to be like._ Your brain tells you. You accept it as best as you can.

Sam heads out the door first and Dean waves you through, slapping your ass as you pass by. You giggle. You follow Sam and he calls shotgun. You sit in the backseat and wait for Dean to start the car.

. . . . .

The pub isn't very busy when you get there, so you can sit wherever you want. Dean chooses a table near the middle and you all sit down. A very curvy, blonde waitress comes over and asks what you all would like. You order three beers and fries to share. The waitress doesn't take her eyes off of Dean the whole time, and he gives her his signature flirty grin. She sways her hips as she walks away and Dean watches her butt as she goes. You turn away so you don't have to watch and you're met with Sam's concerned face. You look away from him too.

The waitress returns with your order and she bends over to put everything on the table, successfully baring her chest to Dean. He gives her the attention she's craving and she bends a little further. Dean gives her a wink and she touches his shoulder. 

"Let me know if you need  _anything_ else, honey." She purrs from her pouty lips.

"Oh, I will." Dean flirts.

She struts away and Dean watches her go. You chug half your beer and dig in to the fries.

"Jeez, Y/N, haven't you eaten all day?" Dean asks as you stuff your face and finish off your beer.

You shrug and try to keep your face neutral. You're pretty sure you're failing.

"You okay?" Dean asks, rubbing your knee gently.

You jump at the unusual soft touch and nod. "Yeah. I'm good." You smile. You swear you see something in his eyes. Concern? You have no idea.

The waitress comes back over and Dean takes his hand off your knee, looking away from you to stare at her chest that is now spilling out of her shirt even more than before. You scowl. 

"Would you like another?" She asks you, pointing at your empty beer glass.

" _No_." You snap, scowl still on your face. You clear your throat, trying not be too rude. "Um. No thanks. I'm-I'm not feeling well. Sam, would you mind driving me back?" You ask, standing an bumping the table clumsily on your way up. Your chest feels tight and you can't watch Dean shamelessly flirt for another second.

"Sure." Sam says gently. Then to Dean, "I'll be back soon."

You walk out the door, not chancing a look back at Dean and certainly not at that damn waitress. You get into the passenger's seat and Sam gets in the car shortly after you. He starts the Impala and drives to the bunker in silence. He pulls up outside and turns to you. 

"Y/N, I'm sorry Dean's being-" He begins.

You hold up a hand. "It's fine, Sam. Really. This is what him and I agreed on."

"Yeah, but this isn't fair to you." Sam says firmly.

"I'm fine, Sam. Thanks for driving me." You say, patting his arm. You step out of the car and close the door before Sam can say anything else.


	6. Let's Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one!

The morning after the pub, Dean knocks on your door and walks in without a pause as you're getting dressed. He pulls you in for  a hard kiss and you kiss him back momentarily, but you're not into it. You push on his chest lightly and he stops and pulls away.

"Everything okay?" He asks.

"No, actually." You admit. "Dean, I can't do this anymore. I know I told you I could but it  _can't._ I don't want to watch you flirt with slutty waitresses and I can't keep thinking about all the other women you could be sleeping with!"

"Whoa, where's all this coming from?" He asks, holding his hands up.

"It's coming from me. I can't live with myself if I keep doing this with you." You say. 

"What do you want then, Y/N?" He asks simply.

"You! I want  _you,_ Dean."

"You already have me! You have me every time we have sex." He says.

"No, Dean, I don't. I have part of you. I have your body. I want your feelings and your heart too. I want your  _love._ " You explain frantically.

Dean says absolutely nothing and he won't look at you.

"But you can't give me that..." You whisper slowly, realization dawning on you. "And that means I can't do this. I can't just keep fucking you and hoping you'll love me. I'm done, Dean. Let's just stop this thing." You say brokenly.

"Fine. If that's what you want." He says. "Let's stop."

You're getting upset by how little this seems to be effecting him. "Please get out." You say gently.

Dean leaves without a word and you stand there, staring at the doorway for a while. You tried to wait for him, you tried to be patient, but it is becoming clear to you that Dean Winchester doesn't love you and he never will. 


	7. Keep in Touch

Over the next few weeks you and Dean stop joking and teasing, and then you stop talking altogether. You speak to each other on hunts, but only about the case, and it's usually clipped and terse conversations. You see Sam leaning toward you more, taking your side on things, and you feel like shit about it. You never,  _ever_ want to drive a wedge between the Winchester brothers. For that reason, you've started spending less time with Sam too, so that he'll spend more time with Dean.

Dean has been keeping a steady flow of one night stands in motel rooms going. You've been keeping a steady flow of nights alone in your room with your emotions going. It's one morning, when Dean is kissing a skinny brunette goodbye while you and Sam load the car, that you decide you're going to move out of the bunker. You wait until you've left the motel and Dean is pumping gas, then you tell Sam your plans to leave.

"Y/N, no! The bunker's your home too. You don't have to leave!" He states. 

"Sam, I do. It's hard on everyone with me and Dean being in the same place. I don't want you to be in the middle of it anymore." You explain.

"Will you please just stay?" Sam pleads.

You shake your head sadly at Sam as Dean walks over and gets back in the car. He cranks the music and skids out of the gas station. The ride back to the bunker is filled with uncomfortable silence.

. . . . .

You pack away your stuff in a couple of duffel bags that night. You're leaving in the morning and staying in a motel until you find a place to live. You're about to go to bed when a soft knock sounds at your door.

"Come in." You call.

Sam's tall form walks into your room. He opens your hand and places a wad of cash into your palm.

"Oh, no, Sam. I can't take this." You argue, pushing it back at him.

"Take it." Sam says. You keep pushing the money at him. "Please?" His voice breaks sadly.

You nod and take the cash. Sam retreats back into the hallway and closes your door. You place the cash on your nightstand and crawl under your blankets. You flick off your lamp and feel a tear roll down your face in the darkness. You let a few more tears fall and then you sniffle and wipe at your eyes, clenching your jaw. You force yourself to stop crying and go to sleep.

. . . . .

You wake up in the morning and get dressed. You brush your teeth and then pack your toothbrush away. You zip up your bags and heft them over your shoulders. You make your way to the huge garage and drop your bags on the floor. You pull the white canvas sheet off your old truck and rub your hand over the hood. You haven't used your truck in a few months, so you're hoping it still runs okay. You grab the keys from one of your bags and unlock the door. You hop in and the turn the key in the ignition. The vehicle roars to life and you pat the dash affectionately. You toss your bags in the passenger's side and feel around in your pockets. Cell phone, check. Bags, check. You're ready to go. You're about to go into the bunker to find Sam when he comes through the door to the garage. 

"Leaving without saying goodbye?" He asks, holding out his arms.

"Never." You say as you walk into his waiting arms. He hugs you tight and you fight back tears. He releases you and holds onto your shoulders.

"Be safe. If you need a hunting buddy, I'm here. Y/N,  _please_ keep in touch. I mean it." He says seriously.

"I will. Love ya, Sammy." You say with a sad smile.

"Love you, too." He says, hugging you once more.

You walk around to the driver's side of your truck and get in. You take off and look at Sam waving in your rearview mirror. You keep driving, avoiding your feelings. 


	8. You're Managing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we even call this a chapter? It's more like a paragraph! Sorry, I know I separate things strangely but it feels right to me.

It's been a few weeks since you left the bunker and you're now living in a small, shitty apartment. You found a bartending job on the weekends to pay rent and you hunt during the week. You've talked to Sam on the phone a couple of times since you left but it's been hard. You'd been running with the boys for years and now you're on your own. But you're managing. You keep busy with cases during the week and you work long hours on the weekend. When you're not doing either of those things you're sitting in your bare apartment, reading a book or searching for a new case.

Truthfully, you miss the Winchesters badly. Sam has always been a best friend to you and it's difficult not being around him often. Of course you miss Dean as well. You don't want to, but you just do. You try not to think about either of them too often because some days you can't take it. They have been all you had for years since your family died and now it feels like you've lost them too. You make a mental note to go out for lunch with Sam one day. Maybe seeing him every so often will ease the ache in your chest. Maybe.

It's not that you're completely alone all the time. You have work buddies and they're good people, but they just aren't Sam and Dean. You've even tried talking to a few guys too, but you have no interest in being with them. 

 _Yeah, this is hard._ Your brain tells you.

 _But we're managing._ You convince your mind halfheartedly.


	9. Hunting Alone

One night you're laying in bed reading when you decide to go out.

"Screw this." You say to yourself. "I'm gonna have some fun."

You pull out a black dress and your one pair of heels, which happen to be black studded booties that match the dress perfectly. You put on some makeup and curl your hair. Before leaving you dig through your bags in search of the perfume Sam got for you last Christmas. You find the little glass bottle and spritz some onto your neck and wrists, rubbing it in lightly. You grab your phone and stick it in the pocket of your dress before heading out the door and locking it behind you. 

. . . . 

You decide to go to a different bar than the one you work at. This is the first night off you've had in three weeks and you don't want to get roped into taking someone's shift like you usually do. You select a random bar and head in, taking a look around. It's a typical place with tables scattered around and square stools at the long wooden bar. You sit at one of the stools and order two beers and two shots, determined to drink and forget about your feelings for tonight.

. . . .

Two hours later you're sitting at a table with a bunch of women, all of you bitching about men. It's a good outlet for your feelings about Dean. You slur out comments about him and curse his name while all the women cheer you on. You're definitely drunk and you've worked yourself up doing all this talking about Dean Winchester.

"Y-y'know what?" You hiccup. "Why can't I have sexxxx with a random guy at a bar?" You ask the women.

"You can, honey. That Dean did it to you with all those women! You deserve to have a good time too!" One of the women tells you. The others clink their glasses in agreement.

"Okeydokey. I'mmm gonna do it." You state as you slide off your chair. "I love you girls. Haaaaaave a great night! I'm going' to find me a mannnn!" You bellow.

"You go, Y/N! You deserve this!" The women encourage you. You smile and clumsily walk over to a cute, clearly drunk, guy.

"Hi!" You say.

"Hey." He smiles.

"You-"  **hiccup!** "You look drunk." You state.

"I am!" He laughs.

"Cool, me too. Let'sss have sex." You say simply.

"What? Really?" His eyes widen. You just smile and grab his hand, pulling him out the door of the bar. You hear his friends hoot and holler behind you.

You get outside and decide you're both way too drunk to drive. You look around and see a cab parked at the curb and a couple coming out of the bar and walking towards it. You grab Cute Guy's hand and run. You dive into the cab and pull him in with you, quickly closing the door and shouting your address to the driver. He takes off and you look out the window at the pissed off couple.

"Did we jusst take their cab?" Cute Guy slurs. 

You giggle and nod. He smiles in return.

. . . . 

You get to your apartment building and somehow manage to make it through the stained, ugly lobby with everything spinning around you. You pull Cute Guy behind you up the stairs to the second floor. You get to your door and it takes you a few tries to get the key into the lock. You finally succeed and throw your hands up triumphantly. You push the guy in and close the door behind you. You kiss him hungrily and bring him to your bedroom, stripping clothes off along the way.

. . . . . . . . .

You wake up to the sun shining through a crack in your black curtains. You groan and cover your face with a pillow. Your head is pounding and your mouth is dry and tastes disgusting. You feel a weight across your side and look down to see an arm slung across your naked body. You sit up abruptly and wince at the pain it caused in your head. You look to your right on the bed and there's a sleeping, very naked Cute Guy there.

"Fuck." You whisper, covering your face with your hands. You don't even know his name! You get up slowly and open your dresser drawer to get some underwear and an old t-shirt. You put on the clothes and walk to your small kitchen. You pull two water bottles out of the fridge and down the first one, stopping to take two ibuprofen before finishing off the second one. You toss the bottles into the recycling bin and shuffle to the bathroom. You wash your face and brush your teeth, avoiding the mirror at your bathroom sink. You rinse the toothpaste out of your mouth and then chance a look at your reflection. You have bags under your unfocused eyes and your hair is a disaster. You feel dirty and gross while you look at your blank, pale face. You punch the mirror hard and it shatters into pieces, glass falling into the sink. You look down at your hand to see a cut across your knuckles with blood flowing steadily out of it. You don't feel it at first, just staring at it. You're still a little drunk you suppose. Then it starts to sting and you push the pain aside.

"What the hell! Are you okay?" A voice says from the doorway.

You look over to see the guy you hooked up with last night. He has your bed sheet wrapped around his hips and he's looking at you with concern and...fear? Yep, fear. You must look like a crazy person right now. You can't bring yourself to care.

"I'm fine." You say.

"You're bleeding a lot! Did you  _punch_  the mirror? Why aren't you freaking out? That looks painful!" He exclaims frantically.

"Yeah it kinda hurts. Look, can you please go? I'm sorry. Last night was a mistake." You say distantly.

He stares at you with an open mouth for a moment before hurrying to get his clothes and heading out the door. The door slams shut and you jump a little. You grab some gauze and tape and wrap your hand. You pull on some jeans and your converse. You look at the disaster you made in the bathroom, vowing to clean it up later. You open your closet and pull out your bag full of weapons. You sling it over your shoulder and grab your phone to call for a cab. You walk down to the front of your building and set your bag on the ground so you can put your hair up into a messy bun while you wait for your ride. The yellow car pulls up and you tell the driver the name of the bar you were at last night. He takes you there and you toss some bills at him before exiting the car and walking to the parking lot in search of your truck. It's one of the only vehicles left in the lot. You unlock it and hop in, tossing your bag on the seat beside you.

. . . . .

You've been hunting less than you used to but last week you looked into a demon case. You're not really sure what you're dealing with and you're really not in a state to be doing this, but you've been hunting alone for months, so what's the worst that could happen? You need the hunt to get your mind off of things, so you're gonna go for it. You pull up behind and old abandoned house and look around. You're in a very small town that looks like a neighbourhood with a convenience store/gas station combo. That's all that's there. You find it odd that a demon would decide to stay here but you're eager to throw yourself into a fight, so you don't dwell on it too long. You pull out the necessary weapons from your bag and approach the back door of the old building. You try the doorknob. Unlocked. You push the door open and walk in slowly. There's a black-eyed woman with a bleeding chest standing right in front of you. You raise your knife quickly but she blocks it with her arm. You sweep your leg and trip her. She goes down but takes you with her. She pins you down and punches you in the face. You manage to flip over and drive the knife into her chest. You stand up and brush yourself off, wiping a drop of blood from the corner of your lip. You check the kitchen and the living room of the house before slowly making your way up the stairs. You check every room but see nobody else. One demon? Really? Usually when they're in small towns like this it's because they're trying to take them over. You were expecting at least two demons today, maybe even three. Not much of a fight today was it? You jump when a loud shriek suddenly sounds from downstairs. You rush to the top of the stairs and see another black-eyed woman staring up at you with pure hatred.

"You killed my sister, you bitch!" She screams as she charges up the stairs at you. You tighten your grip on the demon knife and brace yourself for the approaching demon. She reaches you and pushes you back roughly, grabbing your wrist and trying to twist the knife out of your hand. You punch her in the face a few times with your free hand and she tightens her hold on your wrist. You try to loosen her grip but to no avail. You kick her legs and she goes down, releasing you. Your arm is freed and you make a move to stab her but suddenly you're being pushed aggressively from behind. You gasp and fall down the staircase, unable to stop it from happening. You hit the bottom and cry out as you hear a distinct  _crack!_  and pain shoots up your leg. Where the hell did that demon come from that pushed you? You'd checked upstairs! You look around for your knife as you gasp for breath after being winded from the fall. You see your knife sitting on the stairs and you flip over onto your stomach, preparing to crawl for it. You're pulled backwards by your feet abruptly. You kick frantically and clench your teeth around a scream as pain seers in your left leg. The hold on your ankles tightens and you're being pulled across the floor. You shirt lifts and rocks from the dirty floor scrape across the flesh of your stomach. You reach out with your hands, trying to grab anything to help you or slow the pulling. 

You're abruptly heaved up by your shoulders and pushed against a wall harshly. Your eyes focus on about seven black-eyed monsters crowding around you. From the middle of the small group the woman you fought at the top of the stairs emerges. She spits in your face and you snarl at her.

"This hunter  _bitch_ killed my sister. I want to make her suffer!" She hisses.

You kick and punch, trying to fight them off but there are too many. They rip off your shirt and jeans, as well as your shoes, so you're left there in your bra and underwear. One of them punches you square in the face and your vision blurs. You're lifted up and strapped down with belts to a chair. You feel the leather bite into your skin as they're tightened. The woman demon approaches you with a knife and a wicked grin.

"Are you sorry you killed her now?" She snarls.

"Screw you, you black-eyed skank!" You hiss.

She frowns and digs the knife into your arm, dragging it down through your skin, mumbling about how you will be sorry. You bite your tongue at the pain, and feel the warm spill of blood down your arm.

"I think we need to teach her a lesson." The demon woman says.

The rest of her group smiles menacingly and you're lost in a blur of shiny knife blades and pain all over your body. The demons try to get information out of you about what other hunters knows about their location, but you refuse to talk. That only makes them angrier. You're feeling weak from the loss of blood and you hang your head. You see your phone under your bare foot and press it with your toes, hoping the demons won't notice. They're too busy cutting your skin up to pay any attention. You hit speed dial for Sam and watch it ring, glad it isn't loud enough to hear. Your phone signifies that someone has picked up and you gather all the strength you have left to shout out.

"Sam! I need help!!" You scream.

"Oh your friends aren't around to hear you, bitch." The demon woman sing-songs, wagging her finger in your face as her group laughs maniacally. You bite her hand hard enough to draw blood and she screeches. The tip of her knife is suddenly digging into the flesh of your cheekbone. You hope Sam heard you and you hope to God he can get your location from your phone. A sharp pain plunges into your abdomen and everything goes black.


	10. Confession

You open your eyes and all you see is white. You hear a steady beeping noise and feel scratchy fabric under your fingertips. You crane your neck to face your head to the left and whine at the pain it causes you. You see Sam sleeping in a chair in the corner. You realize you're in a hospital room.

"Sam?" You croak out. He stirs but doesn't wake up. "Sammy?" You try again, voice still hoarse.

Sam jolts awake and sits up quickly. He's at your bedside in seconds, pulling the chair with him. He sits down and takes your hand in his huge one. 

"Hey." He says gently.

"What happened?" You ask.

"I tracked your phone after you called and I found you.." He answers.

"You didn't go alone did you?" You ask him, concerned. "You're not hurt are you?" You question as you look him over. You don't see any bruises or cuts other than on his knuckles. 

"No, I didn't go alone. I brought a few of Bobby's old buddies with me. We got rid of all those demons. You're asking if I'm okay? You're the one in the hospital bed!" He says to you. Then his face darkens. "Y/N, there was so much blood...I...I thought you were dead! When I lifted you out of that chair your body was completely limp. You were so pale...I..." Sam says, eyes glassing over.

You squeeze his hand. "I'm okay, Sam." You try to smile but you feel a pain prick in your cheek.

Sam explains to you that you have stitches in your cheek and your abdomen. The stab wound in your abdomen and your extreme loss of blood had been serious and the doctor's said you were very lucky to be alive. Your leg is broken and encased in a heavy white cast. You have severe bruising on your body and it's covered in shallow cuts. Your stomach is completely bruised from the stab wound and your cracked rib. You wince as you remember the demon attack.

"What did you tell the doctors?" You ask curiously.

"I told them you got mugged." Sam says.

"You nod slowly. "And how long have I been here? How long was I out?"

"Two days." Sam tells you.

"I've missed you, Sam. You're my best friend, you know. You're like a brother to me." You tell him, needing him to know.

Sam squeezes your hand. "I've missed you, too."

You take a breath and ask the question that's been on your mind. "How's Dean?"

Sam sighs. "He's-" Sam starts before a ruckus outside your door interrupts him.

"You can't go in there!!" A nurse shouts.

"Like hell I can't! Get out of my way." You hear a familiar voice respond.

Dean barrels through the door with a nurse huffing and puffing behind him. Two large doctors come in and grab Dean's shoulders, telling him he needs to leave.

"He's with us." Sam defends.

"Yeah! She's my girlfriend!" Dean exclaims, pointing at you.

_Girlfriend!_

The doctors look at you in question and you nod. They release Dean and warn him to behave, which earns an eye roll from him. The doctors and nurse leave, closing the door behind them.

"Hey, Sam? Can I talk to her alone?" Dean asks. Sam nods and gets up from the chair, assuring you he'll be back later.

"Thank you, Sam. You saved me." You say. He smiles sweetly in return before leaving.

Dean sits down in the chair and looks over your face and arms with concern in his features. He clenches his jaw and doesn't say anything for a while. You can't believe he's here. You haven't seen him in months and now he's in front of you.

"Y/N, why would you try to do that on your own!? You could have died! Shit, you almost did die! What the  _hell_ were you thinking?!" He exclaims.

You're taken aback by his outburst. "I didn't know there were that many!" You defend.

Dean rubs a hand down his face and when he takes his hand away his eyes are wet. You're surprised yet again at his change in emotions. You want to reach out for him but you don't.

"I was so worried about you. I wasn't even there when Sam went to help. I wasn't even there! I was at a bar. I feel like such an asshole! When Sam called me all panicked I didn't know what to do!" Dean says, clearly getting worked up.

"Dean, look at me. I'm okay." You reassure him.

"No you're not! You look terrible!" He exclaims. Then his face twists. "I don't mean that. I just mean you look...hurt." He tries to smooth over his earlier comment. In his defence, you probably do look terrible. "But seriously, Y/N. Why would you go into a situation like that without knowing what you're walking into?" He asks seriously.

"Because I was trying to keep my mind off of  _you_." You admit quietly.

"Me?" Dean asks, surprised. 

"Yes, you! I can't stop thinking about you. I went to a bar and I tried to stop. I- I slept with someone but all I can ever think about is how you don't want me and you never did." You say.

Dean looks at you with a pained expression. You knit your eyebrows together in confusion. Why is he so upset? He gently takes your hand and lays his head on your bed for a moment.

"Listen." He begins quietly. "I know I was a dick to you before. And I know it's ridiculous that it took you almost dying for me to talk to you about this, but I  _do_ want you. I always did. It was never just sex for me either. I don't know why I'm so fucked up and I don't know why I pushed you away when I wanted you to be with me. I..I guess I just kind of thought if I distanced myself I wouldn't hurt you. That came back to bite me in the ass, didn't it?" He says with a shake of his head. "Anyways, the point is that I was wrong when I flirted in front of you and I was definitely wrong to sleep with all those women after you ended our arrangement. I know this doesn't make it better and it doesn't make up for the time you were on your own because you couldn't be around me, but none of those women meant anything to me. None of them were  _you._ Y/N, when Sam called me and said the doctors weren't sure if you were gonna make it, I couldn't breathe. The thought of losing you terrifies me. I need you. And I...I love you." Dean finishes, his green eyes staring into your e/c ones.

You're stunned. This is all new information to you.All this time you thought Dean didn't care about you anymore and now here he is telling you he loves you.

"Why couldn't you tell me that sooner, you asshole." You laugh a little.

Dean looks surprised at your answer and then he smiles at you. He leans over and kisses your lips. This time it's different. It's softer and sweeter, and you can feel the emotion behind it. You smile against his lips. He pulls back, still holding your hand, and grins at you.

"You hungry?" He asks. You nod.

"I'm really thirsty, too. Would you mind bringing me some water?" You ask.

Dean nods and tells you he'll be right back. You sigh happily but wince at the pain in your ribs as you do so.

 


	11. Better Late than Never

After a few weeks in the hospital you're ready to leave. The doctor signs off on your release and Dean helps you to the Impala where Sam waits in the back. Sam and Dean have come to visit you every day and Dean had been sleeping in your hospital room most nights. 

"My apartment isn't too far from here." You say to the boys as Dean helps you slowly lower into the car.

"Yeah, we're gonna go to the bunker for now." Dean says.

Dean drives to the bunker and Sam helps you hobble inside and down the stairs while Dean parks the car in the garage. Sam leads you to your old room and you breathe out in surprise. Your blankets and pillows are all made up on your bed and your laptop is set up at the desk. Your books are all lined up on the shelf as well. On your nightstand there is a vase of flowers and a little bear holding a heart that says 'Get Well' on it.

"Sam..." 

"We want you to come home. We brought all your stuff from your apartment." Sam says. 

You sniffle tears of joy and hug the younger Winchester, who hugs you back gently.

"Thank you." You whisper.

"You're welcome. But it was Dean's idea." Sam smiles brightly.

He helps you over to your bed and takes off your shoe. You won't be getting your leg cast off for another couple of weeks so you only wear one shoe for now. Sam helps you prop yourself up on some pillows and he lays one under your broken leg.

"Comfy?" He asks. You nod. "Do you need anything else?" He inquires.

"I'm good. Thanks, Sam. Really. I appreciate you helping me out so much." You say sincerely. He smiles and waves his hand in response before retreating down the hallway. 

Dean comes in a few minutes later with a big glass of ice-water. He moves the flowers from the nightstand to the desk and sets the water down in their place so you can reach it. 

"Thanks." You say.

"Of course. Wanna watch a movie?" Dean asks.

"Yeah." You grin.

Dean goes to his room and gets a few more pillows. He comes back and lays down beside you, kissing your forehead before setting the laptop up between you and opening Netflix to search for a movie. 

"By the way, Dean, I love you too." You say.

He grins. "Oh finally. I told you I loved you weeks ago and  _now_ you say it back?"

"Better late than never." You smile. 

Dean intertwines his fingers with yours and presses play on a movie he picked.

. . . . . . .

After the movie, while you and Dean are laying in bed talking, he gets up without a word and hurries into the hall. Your brows come together in confusion as he runs back into the room with a black permanent marker in his hand. 

"Dean, what are you doing?" You ask as he situates himself at the end of the bed by your broken leg. 

"Sam signed your cast and I want to do it, too." He explains as he uncaps the marker. 

"Feels like I'm in elementary school all over again." You tease.

Dean shushes you and gets to work. You watch him fondly as his face scrunches up in concentration. He takes a while to do whatever he's doing and he silences you every time you try to ask him what he's up to. You finally resign to just watching him write. Dean stops and puts the cap back on the marker and reads over what he wrote before snapping a picture of it on his phone. 

"Now you don't have to sit up and try to read it upside down." He says as he flops down next to you and shows you the picture.

The phone screen shows the front of your cast, now covered in writing. You recognize the words as the lyrics to Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon. 

 

**Even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight.**

**You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night**

**And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.**

**And I can't fight this feeling anymore.**

 

You look away from the screen and smile wide at Dean. If you were dating anyone else they would show you affection by giving you gifts or talking to you about their feelings, but Dean isn't like that. Him writing the lyrics to a classic rock love song means more to you than any gift ever could. This is Dean telling you how he feels in the best way he knows how and it means the world to you. You put your hand on his cheek and gently pull him in for a kiss. He returns the kiss and then pulls back to smile at you.

"I love it, Dean." You grin.

He kisses your hair before laying back down and pulling the blankets over both of you. He places a kiss on your cheek and settles into his pillow. 

"Goodnight, gorgeous." He mumbles.

"Goodnight, handsome." You reply. 

 


	12. Chapter 12

After a few more weeks of healing, you're ready to hunt again. The boys insist you take on smaller cases and stick close to them on the bigger ones for a while. You see no point in arguing with them, especially when they give you the double-Winchester stare down, so you humour them. You still work at the bar on Friday and Saturday nights. You like working there, and the boys come in and get discounts on their drinks, which Dean loves. 

You and Dean are doing well. Now that he's embraced his feelings he is a great boyfriend. Yeah, he can be overbearing and clueless sometimes but you're happy with him.

. . . . . 

You and Dean head to bed one night after playing Scrabble with Sam (and losing, of course). You put on your pjs and crawl into bed. Dean strips down to his boxers and you watch him as he sits on the bed and plugs his phone in on the night stand. When he lays back you move in for a long kiss. You begin to strip off your shirt and Dean pulls back. He's been very gentle with you since the hospital, like he's afraid you'll break.

"Dean it's okay. I'm good." You reassure him.

"Are you sure?" He asks seriously.

"Yes. I'm great." You say as you straddle his hips for the first time in months.

"Okay." Dean nods, seemingly satisfied with your answer.

He helps you pull off your shirt and runs his fingers over your body.

"You're so beautiful.." He says in awe.

You blush a little and lean down to kiss him deeply and lovingly. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . .. 

Later that night you lay down on your side, completely exhausted and satisfied. Dean squishes in behind you and wraps his arm around your waist.  You snuggle back against him and he kisses your temple, then the scar on your cheek. For a while you were self-conscious about the scars from the knives on your cheek and abdomen, but Dean kisses them every day and still looks at you like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

You rest your hand on top of his that's on your belly and listen to his steady breathing. You close your eyes and fall into a peaceful sleep with your best friend down the hall and your boyfriend right next to you. 


	13. Surprise!

"Where are you going?" Dean asks as you hurry to get ready.

"Grocery run." You explain as you pull on your shoes and distractedly search for your keys.

"I got groceries yesterday." Dean says, narrowing his eyes.

You freeze.  _Shit. Bad cover, Y/N!_ "Umm..yeah, but we need..almonds! We need almonds." You say stupidly.

"Almonds?" Dean asks sarcastically.

You nod quickly. "Have you seen my keys?" You question as you look under books and clothes in your room. 

Dean gets up from his seat at the end of the bed and walks over to you. He slides his palm down your arm and lifts your hand up. "Your keys are in your hand, sweetheart." He smirks as he shows you that your car keys are, in fact, dangling from your finger.

"Oh!" You say. "Thanks!" You peck him on the lips before leaving.

"You're acting weird!" Dean shouts down the hall at you.

"Am not!" You call back as you disappear around the corner. 

Tomorrow is Dean's birthday and he told you and Sam he wants it to be just a regular day. You'd tried to argue with him but he didn't want anything special. Naturally, you found a loophole. You and Sam are going to surprise Dean  _today,_ that way it's not actually on his birthday and you didn't disobey his wishes.

"I'll be back, Sam." You call out.

Sam strides into the room. "Picking up the cake?" He asks in a hushed tone.

You nod and Sam gives you a thumbs up. You exit the bunker and get into your truck, starting it up and pulling out of the 'driveway'. 

. . . . 

You arrive at the bakery and tell the man at the front your name. They search the back for your order and the tiny man brings it forward. He opens the box to show you it's contents. It looks like a regular round cake with white icing and 'Happy Birthday Dean!' written on top in green frosting. The man carefully lifts the cake, which is actually hollow and made of cardboard, to reveal a delicious looking pecan pie underneath. 

"It's perfect!" You say, shaking the man's hand.

He smiles at you, places the fake cake back over the pie, and closes the box. He hands it to you with a grin.

"Thank you!" You say happily as you exit the little shop. 

You put the box on the seat beside you in the truck and drive to your next destination. You go to a clothing store and get some new t-shirts and plaid flannels for Dean, and then you pick up the helium balloons you'd ordered, as well as a gift bag, from the party store. The last stop you make is to your work. You walk into the bar and greet your co-worker who's delivering drinks to your regular day-drinkers. 

"Hey girl! You're off today aren't you?" She asks.

"Hey, yeah I am. Just came to 'borrow' some alcohol." You wink and she smiles. 

Your boss, the owner of the bar, comes out from the back and greets you. "Hey, Y/N!"

"Hey, Jimmy. Can I have some whiskey please? It's Dean's birthday." You say sweetly. 

Your boss is awesome and you love working with him. Plus, he gives you free booze to take home on special occasions.

"Sure thing, hon. Here you go." He says as he hands you a brand new bottle of alcohol. "You tell those boys I say hello and give a happy birthday to Dean from all of us." He says with a grin.

"Will do. Thanks, Jimmy!" You smile as you leave. 

You make your way back to the bunker and text Sam when you're almost there so he can distract Dean. You pull into the garage and grab everything out of the truck, closing the door with your butt. You bring everything into one of the vacant bedrooms and quickly take the price tags off of all the shirts, placing them in the gift bag. You leave everything in the room and make sure the door is shut before you walk down the hall to you and Dean's room. 

"Oh, Y/N! Thank god. Sam's in the middle of showing me the longest 'funny' cat video I have ever seen." He says, giving you a look of despair.

"Well I'm here you rescue you." You say.

Sam gets up and walks towards the door, giving you a look with raised eyebrows as he passes. You nod subtly, letting him know you got everything.

"What took you so long? It's almost dinner time." Dean says as you flop into his arms on the bed.

"I had to look at a couple different places for the almonds..." You lie.

"Mhm. And did you find them?" Dean asks.

_Balls! You'd forgotten to get the almonds!_ "No..Um, but I went to the library for a while too." You say, hoping he'll believe you.

Dean says nothing for a few seconds and your chest tightens.  _That's it, he's figured it out. You're the worst at surprises._

"Ah. That explains it. I know how long you can spend in the library." Dean finally says.

"Yeah." You breathe out.

"You're almost as much of a nerd as Sammy." Dean teases, poking your side.

You stick your tongue out at him. He chuckles and flips you over on the bed. He holds your wrists above your head with one hand and tickles you with the other. You screech and squirm under him.

"Dean, stop!" You giggle.

Dean tickles your stomach and ribs until you can't breathe.

"Gonna..pee..I'm gonna...peeeeee!" You gasp.

Dean laughs out loud and releases you. You smack him playfully. He kisses your mouth chastely and then kisses the now faded scar across your cheekbone.

"I'm gonna make burgers for dinner. You hungry?" He asks. You nod and he gets up from the bed, presumably to start dinner.

"Do you want help, my love?" You ask.

"Nah, you just relax." Dean replies.

You lay in bed for a few minutes after Dean leaves, and then you get up and shuffle out to the library, knowing Sam will be there.

"Hey, Sammy." You say as you enter.

"Hey! Did you get everything?" He asks.

"Yep! Come with me, I'll show you." You say.

Sam follows you to the room where you left everything and you both look down the hall before entering to make sure Dean isn't around. You open the cake box and show Sam the false cake, then the pie underneath.

"Looks great." Sam smiles.

You tell him about the shirts you got and he tells you about the new boots he'd bought for Dean. The two of you hustle out of the room when Dean calls that dinner is ready.

"Smells amazing!" You say honestly as Dean sets everything down on the table.

It tastes amazing too.  Dean really does make the best burgers. You all eat in a comfortable silence, Dean and Sam both grunting occasionally as they chew. When you're done eating you pile up the dishes and offer to wash them, since Dean's the one who made dinner. Sam offers to help and Dean announces that he's going for a half hour nap. You quickly wash the dishes and leave Sam to dry them while you get everything set up for Dean's birthday surprise. You set the 'cake' on the table and put your gift beside it. You tie the floating balloons to chairs all around the table and then run to Sam's room to get his gift for Dean out of his closet. You set Sam's gift beside yours and sit down to wait for your boyfriend. Sam comes out and joins you at the table. Within a few minutes you hear footsteps coming closer.

"Hey, guys? Wanna watch-?" Dean stops in his tracks when he sees the room.

"Surprise!" You and Sam shout.

"Guys-!" Dean starts before you talk over him.

"Before you freak out, listen! You said you didn't want anything for your birthday. Today is  _not_ your birthday." You explain. 

Dean tries to be mad but he fails. Instead he walks over and pulls you and Sam up for a group hug. 

"Thanks, you dorks." He says lovingly.

You kiss his cheek and tell him to open his presents. He opens Sam's first, and then yours. You snap pictures on your phone discreetly, wanting to capture the breathtaking beauty of his genuine smile. 

"These are awesome, guys. Thank you." He says sincerely. "The only thing that could ever make this better is-"

"Pie?" You ask as you lift the cardboard cake a reveal the pie to Dean. 

He smiles from ear to ear. "Pecan?"

You nod and he pumps a fist in the air, Breakfast Club style. You laugh at his excitement as you cut the pie and put a piece for each of you on some plates. Dean inhales his of course, then eats a second one before Sam clears the dishes. Him and Dean get into one of their brotherly disagreements about which kind of pie is the best and you quietly take a balloon down, untying the ribbon from it, and inhale the helium. 

"Guys, guys. All pie is good." You say, then laugh. Your voice is extremely high, like a chipmunk, and the sound of your laugh makes you laugh even harder. 

Sam and Dean look over and burst out laughing with you.

"Y/N! Your voice!" Sam yells breathlessly, slapping his knee. "Oh man, you're such a child." He smiles.

"Don't pretend you don't want to try." You say.

You pass the balloon to Sam and he inhales. He speaks and you bark out a laugh. You haven't had a chance to stop laughing before Dean tries it too. His voice is normally so deep and gravelly, and now it's all high. You laugh so hard you can't breathe, and tears stream out of your eyes. The boys are doubled over in laughter as well. 

. . . . 

A half hour later, once you've all calmed down, you sit on Dean's lap at the table. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and he places his hands on your waist to keep you steady.

"Do you like your presents?" You ask, looking into his green eyes.

"I do. Thank you, Y/N. This was fun. I'm glad you guys surprised me." He says.

"Good." You smile and kiss him.

You sit with Dean for a while, chatting and drinking the whiskey you'd taken from work. You and the brothers talk and laugh for a long time before you're all yawning. You head to bed, vowing to clean up the mess tomorrow. You put on your pyjamas and crawl into bed with Dean. He pulls you in close and you snuggle up to him.

"I love you, Dean." You say.

"I love you too, babe." He replies sleepily.


	14. Merry Christmas!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. Hope you like it :)

"Ugh." Dean groans as he flops onto the bed.

"Dean! Gross!" You exclaim as he gets blood and whatever other bodily things all over the blankets and sheets. "Now it's all over the bed!"

"Shit! I didn't know it was on my back too!" He says as he jumps up and looks at the damage. He grimaces. "Sorry, sweetheart. I'll wash them."

"How about you go wash yourself, too." You suggest, pointing to the bathroom. 

You and the boys have just returned from a vampire hunt. You and Sam got off clean, but Dean is covered head to toe in blood and... _body._ The incident had involved Sam pushing one of the vamps into a wood chipper and Dean being on the opposite end, where the sawdust would normally fly out. The whole thing had been pretty disgusting. 

Dean peels of his clothes and they land with a wet  _plop!_ on the bathroom floor, making you both cringe and scrunch up your noses.

"Sam and I are gonna go pick up a dinner or something." You say.

"We just got home. Don't worry about it, we can make grilled cheese or something." Dean says as he steps into the shower.

"Dean, it's Christmas eve. We're getting a dinner." You say, putting your hands on your hips.

You hear Dean sigh in the shower. He peaks his head out and says "Fine."

"Be back in a bit." You tell him, walking to the door and then pausing. "Throw out that bedding, I'll just buy a new set." You decide. He grumbles an affirmative from the shower and you leave.

You and Sam take your truck into town and talk about Christmas tomorrow. You'd convinced Dean to at least participate in gift-giving, but he was a total Grinch. Apparently it used to be Sam that didn't want to do the Christmas thing, but now it was Dean. It's been that way for as long as you've known them. This year though, you want to celebrate. You and Dean have officially been together for over a year now and you want Christmas to become a tradition. 

"Let's get a tree." You suggest excitedly to Sam as you arrive in town.

"Really?" He asks with raised eyebrows.

"Hell yeah. Let's do it!" 

"Okay! Let's get a tree." Sam says with enthusiasm that matches yours.

You pull into the parking lot of the tree depot and hop out of the car with Sam following close behind as you hurry to the small cluster of trees. Because it's Christmas eve, there are slim pickings, but you're determined to find a good one. You walk through the short rows of sparse greenery and then you spot a thick, tall tree. You get the attendant and he cuts it down for you while you bounce on the balls of your feet and punch Sam's arm excitedly. Sam just grins at you. You pay for the tree and then you and Sam heft it into the back of your truck. Next you go to the store to find lights, ornaments, a tree stand, and a skirt for the tree. The store, much like the tree depot, is pretty bare but you find what you need. Your last stop is at a restaurant to grab a holiday meal for three.

. . . . .

You walk into the bunker ahead of Sam, who's outside the door holding the tree upright.

"Dean?" You shout.

He comes out of the hallway, hair still damp. "Yeah?"

"Don't be mad.." You say slowly.

"Y/N, what did you two do?" He asks suspiciously.

You open the door wide and help Sam pull the tree in.

"Really, guys?!" Dean shouts.

"Oh, come on! It's Christmas time!" Sam says.

You and Sam carry the tree down the stairs and stand it up. You tell Dean to hold it up while you go get everything else from the truck and put it in the garage. Dean shoots you a signature Winchester bitch-face, but holds the tree for you anyway. You get everything inside and park the vehicle, leaving the Winchesters to put the tree up on the stand while you put the food in the kitchen and open up the ornaments. You look at the tree once the boys have finished securing it.

"Um...it's crooked.." You say. Dean rolls his eyes and pushes and pulls on the branches until the tree is straight.

"Better?" Sam asks. You give a thumbs up.

"I'll go put dinner on plates if you boys could put the lights on." You announce.

As you're getting utensils out you hear Dean yell.

"Son of a bitch! This is impossible!"

You laugh a little as you bring the food out. Dean has the string of lights tangled around his arm and also bunched up in the tree.

"Dinner's served!" You say, trying to hide a smile.

Dean sighs gratefully and drops the lights. He rushes to his plate and shovels food into his mouth.

. . . .

After dinner you and Sam put the lights on the tree while Dean does the dishes. After you finish, Sam plugs in the white lights and you step back to look at them.

"Dean, are you coming to help with the ornaments?" Sam asks.

"Yes, he is." You say loudly.

Dean shuffles into the room and you skip over to kiss his cheek.

"Have a little Christmas spirit, my love." You whisper in his ear, placing a kiss on his jaw as well.

"Fine." Dean sighs. He kisses your lips and picks up some little glass balls.

. . . . . 

A half hour and three broken ornaments later, Sam and Dean lift you up so you can put the silver star on the tree.

"Done!" You say happily as they set you down. 

You all step back to get a better look.

The tree is covered in blue, white, and silver ornaments, with twinkling lights and a sparkly star on top. You've seen better trees, but you've seen much worse.

"It looks great!" Sam grins.

"See, Dean? Wasn't that fun?" You ask.

"No." Dean grunts. "But it does look nice." He admits.

You smile. "It's beautiful."

Dean takes your hand and you lean your head on his shoulder. You stand and look at the glimmering tree in silence for a few minutes before you perk up, remembering the gifts.

"Let's put the presents underneath!" You suggest.

The boys agree that's a good idea and you all separate to retrieve your gifts from their hiding spots. You place them under the tree and sigh happily.

"I'm going to bed." You say around a yawn. You step up on your tip-toes and kiss Sam's cheek before smiling at Dean. "You coming?"  


"Yeah." Dean smiles. He pats Sam on the shoulder and takes your hand. "Night, Sammy."

"Night, guys." Sam says from behind you. 

You make your way to your room and curse out loud, stopping in your tracks.

"What's wrong, babe?" Dean asks. 

"I forgot to buy a new bed set." You say.

"Hey, no worries. We can sleep in my old room." Dean says calmly.

You nod and turn around, walking to Dean's old bedroom. You both strip down naked, not really wanting to walk back to your room to get pjs. You cuddle under the blankets as Dean runs his fingers gently over the raised line on your abdomen. You kiss his cheek, feeling the stubble there.

"Thanks for helping out today." You whisper.

"You're welcome. Thanks for making me celebrate Christmas. I'm glad you did it." He says.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He smiles.

You snuggle closer. "Tomorrow will be even better."

Dean yawns. "Can't wait." 

. . . . . . . . 

You wake up and stretch your arms above your head. You pat the empty space beside you. Dean must be up already. You wrap the sheet around yourself and pad to your room to put on some clothes. You pull on some jeans and one of Dean's flannels over a tank top and then walk to the main part of the bunker. Sam and Dean are setting breakfast on the table.

"Mmm, pancakes." You say contentedly. 

You kiss Dean's cheek before sitting down between the boys. You all eat and then you hurry to gather the plates up.

"We can clean this up later. I want you guys to open your presents!" You say as you leap over to the tree.

Sam chuckles and Dean pulls you in for a long kiss. 

"You are so cute." Dean says.

You smile wide and then pull the brothers down to sit on the floor with you. You pick up their gifts and shove them at the boys excitedly. Sam starts with yours first, which is an engraved bookmark, then he opens Dean's, which is a pile of various books he knew his younger brother wanted.

"Thanks, guys. I love them." Sam grins. You both smile back at him.

"Now it's your turn, Dean!" You nudge your boyfriend's arm.

He opens Sam's, a box of tools for the car, and then yours. You had a flask engraved for him. One side reads

** To Dean **

** Love Y/N xoxo **

and then on the other side there are the lyrics he wrote on your cast all those months ago.

He leans over and kisses you. "I love it. Thank you." He whispers sincerely in your ear. Then he turns to his brother and smiles. "Thanks, Sammy, I needed these!"

"No problem." Sam replies.

Sam and Dean now looks at you expectantly. Dean points to the gifts in front of you. You open the one from Sam first. There are some t-shirts and flannels.

"You said you needed clothes. I hope those are okay." Sam says.

"They're great, thanks." You grin and lean over to hug him tightly. 

"Maybe now she'll stop wearing mine." Dean jokes. 

"Likely not." You say, elbowing his bicep lightly.

Dean smiles. "Now open mine!" 

You tear open the wrapping paper to reveal a blue scrapbook. You open it up and flip through the plastic-covered pages. There are candid shots of you and Dean, as well as you and Sam. There are pictures of you and Dean laughing at his birthday party with you sitting on his lap, pictures of you and Sam looking at books in the library together, you and Dean kissing, you and Sam washing your truck, you and each brother in the Impala, and many more. The last photo in the book is of you and Dean in the kitchen with your foreheads pressed together as you look into each others eyes. Your fingers are intertwined and you're both smiling. Sam and Dean must have taken these pictures randomly over the course of the years you've been hunting together. 

"Dean...this is beautiful." You say quietly. "I had no idea any of these photos even existed.." 

"So you like it?" Dean asks hopefully.

"I absolutely love it." You confirm. "Did you make this? The pages are amazing."

Dean laughs. "Y/N, I can't even decorate a tree. Of course I didn't make it. I took it to the craft store in town and told them where I wanted each picture, and then I had them make it for you."

"Well, thank you." You say sincerely, rubbing your fingers over the stubble on his jaw.

You hook your arms around the boys shoulders and pull them into you with a loving headlock. "Merry Christmas, guys."  


"Merry Christmas." They say together.

. . . .

The rest of the day is spent watching cheesy tv Christmas movies and chatting with each other. You decide halfway through the day that you're all going to make cookies.

"It can't be that hard." You encourage as you rummage around in the cupboards for ingredients.

You each take a task and eventually the cookie dough is made. The kitchen is a mess and somehow Sam is covered in flour, but you're having fun. You roll the dough out and use a cup to cut round shapes from it. You place the raw cookies on a pan and Sam slides it into the oven, then he goes to shower while you and Dean clean up. You get distracted a few times, making out while you sit on the counter with Dean standing between your legs, his arms around your waist and your fingers in his hair and on his jaw. You smell something burning and push Dean away so you can open the oven. The cookies are slightly burnt. 

"Shit." You curse as you set them on the stove top.

"It's fine, we'll just put extra icing on them." Dean says with a dismissive wave of his hand. 

You do put extra icing on them and you all eat every last bit of those cookies while you watch more movies. You squish yourself further into Dean's side, getting comfortable on the couch between your two most favourite people in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been such a fun fic to write. Thank you all for reading and thank you for the kudos and comments, I love reading them! :) xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try and go through each chapter before I post it to make sure there aren't any grammatical or spelling errors but if there are bear with me. As always, I appreciate comments/suggestions and I really do appreciate the kudos you lovely people leave for me. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to know that people are enjoying my work :) xoxo


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